Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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