Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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