i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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