would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
