Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
