This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His hands were made for my vagina.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
