The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
