the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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