She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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