Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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