my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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