Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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