Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
