babies were throwing up all over the place
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
