just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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