new low.... made out with someone while peeing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
