Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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