no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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