My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
