I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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