so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
