Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
