She is in my trunk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
