I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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