Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
