When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
