Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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