i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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