It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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