i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
