also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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