I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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