While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Success! We fucked roommates!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize