ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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