no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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