Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
