theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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