apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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