Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella