I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.