sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.