I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
COCAINE IS GR8
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
