No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
