It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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