Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
