So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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