he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Couch. On fire.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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