No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
