you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All the doctor said was why
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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