I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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