I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
