I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
