Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.