i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.