How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
