Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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(323): View more from California

Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you

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(203): View more from Connecticut

First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning

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(309): View more from Illinois

Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.

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(417): View more from Missouri

We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird

(573): View more from Missouri

He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid

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