Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
