You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
