We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
