The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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