when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
