Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
