Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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