I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
