Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
