Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
