dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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