Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
